I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
