i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
