I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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