He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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