The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he thought i was a dude.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
