My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
