69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
