Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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