She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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