just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
cat food counts as protein by the way
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
