Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
