Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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