I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
