Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize