Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
