It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
