thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
