Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
