LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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