I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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