i permit you to call me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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