So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
