nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
