She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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