but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
