I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A+ Viking dick
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