GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
