puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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