dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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