Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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