i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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