I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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