There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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