so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
