Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
