Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hippo gnu deer
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
