i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
