So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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