i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
