I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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