I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
