Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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