my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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