I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
