And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
