if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
