I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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