we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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