Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
