God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize