I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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