I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
