I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
