As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
