If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
