i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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