this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
