she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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