Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
