dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
