Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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