I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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