it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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