I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
