I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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