Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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